The Skinny on the Rapidly Approaching Big Day

(Originally posted 4/6/09)

So I know I kind of disappeared off the face of the blog-o-sphere, and so shortly after I appeared, but fear not, I have returned. (Was that a run on sentence? I think it was but I have always sucked at grammar. Please forgive me my faults. :P) Anyhoo, I apologize for my prolonged absence. I tried to sit down and write a couple of times, but I was sick, first with the cold from hell and then with a stomach flu and I was busy with all my pre-surgical testing during all of it. By the time things settled down this blog had kind of fallen by the wayside. But now I’ve finished all of my pre-op requirements, been approved by my insurance company and set a date for surgery and my excitement towards telling my story has been renewed, so here I am.

In three weeks, on April 27th, 2009, I will enter bandland. I can’t even begin to imagine the ways my life will change during the course of this journey—oh who the hell am I kidding? Of course I can imagine it. I’ve been imagining it for months. I’m sure the truth will be nothing like the fantasies—good and bad ones alike—but yet I continue to imagine. Will I reach my goals? Will I surpass them? Will I fall short? Will I lose a ton of weight only to gain it all back like every other time I’ve tried to lose weight? Will I need more surgery after I’ve lost the weight to remove excess skin? How will I look when I weight 200lbs? 175? 150? How will I feel? Damn, there are so many questions. I guess I’ll get the answers eventually.

The next three weeks will be spent preparing physically and mentally for the major step I’m about to take. I think the first two weeks will be mostly mental. I haven’t really made any changes to my eating habits yet. I want to start developing some habits—eating slow, chewing thoroughly, figuring out what “comfortably full” feels like, and what might very well be the hardest change of all—weaning myself off of diet coke. There are no dietary rules yet but I certainly hope to be able to make changes even in the absence of rules. This is my life and my body and I need to start taking charge.

I also need to start using a CPAP machine. CPAP stands for continuous positive airway pressure. I had to undergo a sleep study for pulmonary clearance and I was diagnosed with obstructive sleep apnea; a condition where I stop breathing in my sleep. This causes me to wake up—although I don’t realize it—and prevents me from getting a good nights sleep. The CPAP machine is worn when I sleep to keep me breathing. I was told that I was required to have the machine and bring it with me to the hospital on the day of my operation. At first I had no intention of wearing it; it’s uncomfortable, and claustrophobic, and well, honestly, pretty embarrassing even though I have no one to see me in it. But, after reading some stories of others lap-banders with sleep apnea, I decided to give it a try. We’ll see how well that goes.

Then, the week immediately prior to surgery I have a special diet to follow. It’s a modified liquid diet to prepare my body for surgery. One of the main purposes of this diet it to shrink my liver so that Dr. G. will be better able to visualize my stomach laproscopically during the procedure. The week before surgery I will also need to head to the hospital to undergo some pre-op tests and meet with the nurse. Then I will have to go to my PCP for a physical and final medical clearance for surgery.

Three weeks seems so far away and yet so frighteningly close. This is going to change my whole life. I know I’m ready for the change, but it doesn’t make it any less scary. Still, I’m not second guessing myself. It took me a long time to make the decision to do this and I’m positive I’ve made the right one. Twenty-one days and counting down.